Post by INFINITE PRO. on Aug 31, 2022 1:22:40 GMT
Three
Two…
THIS ON?!
“When you’re preppin’ for the “final boss”, ya gotta stack the deck a lil.”
“In our case, the whole game’s been rigged from the start.”
“Which means ya gotta do whatever it takes, by any means necessary, to turn it around! So, are L Rey and Don’t Mess With Zohan willing to do that? Whatever it takes? Any means necessary? And I ain’t just talkin’ about stabbin’ a guy!”
“We signed a couple waivers before the show, y’know, let IPW know about our “special attires” for the show.”
“But, unfortunately for Reymundo and Zuran-Zuran, that ain’t even close to the peak of the hill those fuckers gotta climb.”
“We got some aces up our sleeve. Since we’re feeling generous, we’ll place another down on the table for ya.”
“Since day numero uno, that’s number one for the IDIOTS out there, we’ve had a CONSORTIUM brewing behind closed doors. That’s right! Not only do we have ace’s up our sleeves, we’ve also got an ace in the hole. So, without further ado, let me introduce our… ACEHOLE!”
“AND WELL! WELL! WELL!”
“When I got the call to help these boys out full-time, well I was honoured. I really must be…the luckiest man… on the face of the-”
“Not you, Tunez.”
“Yeah, you’re just here as a kinda… third, a subsidiary, lacky if you will.”
“Like a slave.”
“Yeah.”
“Oh…”
“Tuna will be at ringside and will be a valued bag carrier for us going forward, but he ain’t the Ace in the Hole. THAT….”
“Will be revealed later.”
The Jamrockers begin laughing and crotch chopping the camera, perking Tuna up who laughs alongside them.
*RING RING RING RING RING*
The Jamrockers are in their usual gear but with some changes to reflect the location. Touchdown having a strand of hair set in a curl on his forehead and a toothpick, Cooldown wearing a striped white-and-black jailhouse shirt under his jacket. Both clad in sleek black suits. Tuna eclipses them both however, donned in a sparkly midnight blue jumpsuit and the top of his mullet styled into a pompadour.
“You could say that The Jamrocker’s have a gambling problem. And, yeah, that wouldn’t be totally wrong. But! It’s not playin’ the tables, or pullin’ the slots, no. We have a gambling problem because we are ALWAYS bettin’ on ourselves!”
“We do that, cause unlike craps or roulette, it ain’t all subject to chance. There’s variables that make up every competitor from Jack Diamond to Wellington Dunne. Zohan and Rey, they’re successful, they’re tough, they’re brutal. Well, they try to be, in Rey’s case. Brutality’s fine, great even! But…”
“Brutality is predictable.”
“PREDICTABLE!”
Tuna emphasises each word, an effort that goes unnoticed by both Jamrockers.
“It can be planned for. Taken into account. Dangerous, sure! But if The Jamrockers were so put off by reputation, I woulda lost to Spike Kane just like Reymundo did. Jimi wouldn’t have done what no one else in IPW had the balls to do and rep the company in Overheated! See, folk think Zohan’s terrifying cause he gets in there and stabs motherfuckers. You and your bottom bitch can be knives all ya want. Problem is, you’re walkin’ into a gunfight.”
“Growing up the way me and Al did, on the mean streets of Boogie Street, we’re no strangers to getting down and dirty. If you think for a second that either one of us would be intimidated, you’d be wrong! If you think for a second that either one of us would be second-guessin' you’re wrong! Y’all are playin’ at the kiddie table, we’re out here playing HIGH STAKES! Make no mistake about it, when ya get in the ring with us, you will find out just how out of your depth you really are!”
“We’re in a league of our own! There ain’t nobody on this roster that can keep up with us. Hell, there ain’t nobody on this Network that can. Y’know, you’re walkin’ into our company, the house that Jam built! You’re walkin’ into our company, into OUR Main Event! It’s a big step up for ol’ El Rey lately, if ya ask me, a main event ‘gainst two of the best IPdub has to offer? Aren’t you more used to jerkin’ the curtain in this company? Wouldn’t ya feel more comfortable bein’ in the ring against Latoya Hixx, or better yet, Blaze - what’s her name again?”
“What’s her name again?”
“Who? Blaze Freya?”
“WHO?!”
A rattle pierces through Cooldown’s enraged confusion. As Touchdown shakes a pair of dice in his hand and tosses it against the fuzzy green table. He doesn’t bother to see what the dice come up with as he turns his attention back to the camera.
“Y’ever play twenty-one? There’s a finite number of moves and combinations. That applies to you two. In spite of both your admittedly impressive resumes, you’re both beatable. You’ve both got track records and habits that can be exploited. The Jamrockers? Since our metamorphosis, no one’s been able to shut us up yet!”
“Zohan and L Rey, they got what it takes, sure. But in their inclinations toward violence and hubris respectively, they’ll just assume it’s a sure thing. That because of who they are and who we are, they know how to handle us. It’s that kinda confidence that people have when they think they’ve got that winning hand.”
“Only to realise they don’t even know the rules of the game.”
The boys smirk at each other.
“Everything we’ve laid out so far? The stab vests, Tuna as our insurance. These are just the things we want you to know you’re up against. There’s an entire game happening under the table. Sure, Zuran-Zuran and Rey ain’t no stranger to cheating and playin’ underhanded. But we’ve managed to outsmart and run through competition that El Rey couldn’t, we’ve got the backing of people that had Zoran’s number physically AND psychologically.”
“But let’s toss ‘em a bone. Throw the mental game outta the equation. You’d STILL be facing the most athletically capable tag team on the XHF Network, STILL be facing a team with years upon years of experience. A team with renewed purpose and the success to back it up! Had our bumps in the road, sure. But you two? Two guys with clashing styles and a whole heap of hidden resentment? Really it’s not a matter of how you’ll implode, it’s a matter of how long it’ll take before we make you do so.”
Jimi puts his hand on Al’s shoulder.
“That was really good, man! You wanna know what I think?”
“Tell ‘em, COOLIE-O!”
“Well, I THINK that they can SUCK! OUR! DI-!”
“DICKS! SUCK OUR DICKS! THEY’RE SUCKIN’, THEY- they…”
Tuna trails off as the duo (and several other patrons of the casino) glare at him. His hubris falters and he hangs his head in shame.
“Right, Tuna, love the energy. I mean, really. Unfortunately, we’re here for a super important meeting here in a few and we can’t have you hangin’ around here SC-REEEEE-WING things up!”
“So wh-”
“Security?! Can we get Security over here?”
The doors to the casino swing open, as we see the backs of three suit-clad men emerge with a swagger. Tuna, sporting a bruise and sitting on the hood of a parked car, stands up and starts frantically waving. The three figures pay him no mind. The man on the left speaks.
“Hey, it was swell meetin’ ya.”
“Yeah, an enlightening experience. We’re big fans.”
“My pleasure fellas.”
STEVE AWESOME flashes an X*Crown winning smirk at The Jamrockers who turn and flash ones of their own.
“I’m a big fan of you guys as well. Anytime I can give you the lowdown on some other freak, you just let me know.”
“It’s a mental game as well as physical baby! We get the lowdown scoop on Zohan and his pal, all their intricacies and bad habits. While they don’t know the first thing about beating us. NOT A DAMN THING! NOT A DAMN SINGLE DAMN THING!”
“We are The Jamrockers, the best damn tag team on the XHF Network. We made our bones while Zohan was practising intimidating faces in the mirror and El Rey was failing high school. There’s no-BODY on our level.”
“If you don’t like that?”
Cooldown gestures to his crotch.
“Suck!”
“Their!”
“Dicks!”
Awesome By Name...
...Jammin' By Nature