Post by INFINITE PRO. on Sept 15, 2022 7:02:43 GMT
( The shot opens on Marty Donovan in a Finding Nemo themed store. He wears a fake mustache and glasses while pretending to work behind a cash register.)
Marty: Ah, another wonderful day working in a Disney World gift shop. You simply can’t find a more relaxing job.
( Olivia “Ollie” Oldham, Marty’s assistant and driver for CAR, rolls into the store on a skateboard. She is dressed as a stereotypical teenager with a backwards flat brim hat and neon green shorts. She takes a hit of a vape pen and scoffs.)
Ollie: Why did my stepdad drag me here? Disney World sucks!
Marty: Nonsense! What teenager wouldn’t love a plushie of that Willem Dafoe fish?
Ollie: Get with the times, grandpa! We’re all about MYŌJIN now!
Marty: MYŌJIN? Are they from that awful Lion King sequel?
Ollie: As if! MYŌJIN is the Infinite Pro Heavyweight champion! Where can I get some IPW merch?
Marty: IPW? You’re out of luck. They’re not part of the Disney family.
Ollie: Ugh! This is so unfair! I don’t want to live anymore!
(Ollie lifts her hat to reveal a blinking, Star Wars thermal detonator on top of her head. The screen turns bright white as an explosion is heard. The shot changes to Marty laying outside on a pile of rubble, covered in fake blood. He struggles to lift his head.)
Marty: So much needless death and destruction. Why didn’t Jason Long sell to Disney?
(Marty plays dead as the words “BASED ON A TRUE STORY” appear on the screen. The shot changes to Marty and Ollie, back in normal clothes, drinking pints at the EPCOT United Kingdom pavilion.)
Ollie: Greetings Jason! We were just talking about how handsome and talented you are.
Marty: Yeah and how that accent isn’t weird!
Ollie: Your leadership has made IPW into one of the biggest brands in wrestling. Disney would like to reward your hard work with a chance to get rich.
Marty: Not to mention wipe the blood from your hands!
Ollie: It seems that Star Wars and Marvel are not enough to satisfy our ravenous fanbase. The demands for Disney to purchase IPW grow louder each day.
Marty: Don’t believe us? Just look at this photo from a recent, tragic park protest!
(We see a poorly photoshopped picture. It shows a group of IPW fans in a splash mountain log that is plummeting into the mouth of the Sarlacc Pit. The shot changes back to Marty shaking his head.)
Marty: So many lives could be saved if you’d just let us sell Cross Recoba soap dispensers.
(Olivia nods in agreement and holds up a huge contract.)
Ollie: It’s not too late! We used some Disney magic to whip up a lucrative offer for you.
Marty: It is such a great deal. No need to get your lawyers involved, we already had Belle read through the fine print.
Ollie: We’re not going to fax or email the contract though. That isn’t good enough for a former X*Crown Champion like yourself.
Marty: Correct, we will personally travel to London and deliver this contract to you. That isn’t all though. I, Hardkore World legend Marty Donovan, will then compete in the Royal Crown Rumble free of charge.
Ollie: Wow, a free surprise appearance for the PPV.
Marty: Yes, you just have to cover the costs of my plane tickets, hotel, uber, minibar, and six meals. Oh, also don’t let anybody hit me in the face. I charge one grand per shot to the money maker. I will take free selfies with your nephew or whoever. They just can’t be weird about it.
Ollie: That is amazing news. No one else has ever created such synergy between wrestling and Disney. Lets roll a clip of some of your great in ring action.
( We see footage from a battle royal in some tiny VFW. Marty, who is dressed as Luke Skywalker from A New Hope, cowers in the corner from an approaching luchador. The masked wrestler bends down to grab him, but Marty suddenly spits blue milk in their eyes. The crowd boos. We cut back to Marty and Ollie.)
Marty: I’d like to see Kira Izumi try and do that.
Ollie: Still not sure if you want to sign, Jason? The world class animators here at Disney have created some concept images to show you all the opportunities that await IPW.
( A montage of concept paintings are shown. The first shows a giant mascot version of Spike Kane hugging an old woman. The next shows a little girl enjoying an ice cream bar that looks like Hank Haggard Junior, covered in strawberry “blood”. The next image shows the wilderness of Animal Kingdom. El Rey is wearing a safari outfit as he german suplexes a lion, a tour bus of guests cheer in the background. The final image shows The Jamrockers making an entrance at a large arena show. They are dressed in the Chip ‘n’ Dale: Rescue Rangers costumes. These outfits are so accurate that each wrestler's lower half is nude and blurred out. We cut back to a smiling Marty and Ollie.)
Ollie: Well, I think our work here is done. Jason, we look forward to seeing you in London and welcoming IPW to the Disney family.
Marty: Now I’m off to train for the Royal Crown Rumble. There is only one way to prepare for that kind of chaos, letting loose a python in the line for Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind.
(Marty holds up a cardboard box and walks off confidently. Olivia looks concerned.)
Olivia: You’re just joking. Tell me that box is empty. Babe, this is a terrible idea. Come back!
(The shot fades out as Oliva runs after Marty.)
Marty: Ah, another wonderful day working in a Disney World gift shop. You simply can’t find a more relaxing job.
( Olivia “Ollie” Oldham, Marty’s assistant and driver for CAR, rolls into the store on a skateboard. She is dressed as a stereotypical teenager with a backwards flat brim hat and neon green shorts. She takes a hit of a vape pen and scoffs.)
Ollie: Why did my stepdad drag me here? Disney World sucks!
Marty: Nonsense! What teenager wouldn’t love a plushie of that Willem Dafoe fish?
Ollie: Get with the times, grandpa! We’re all about MYŌJIN now!
Marty: MYŌJIN? Are they from that awful Lion King sequel?
Ollie: As if! MYŌJIN is the Infinite Pro Heavyweight champion! Where can I get some IPW merch?
Marty: IPW? You’re out of luck. They’re not part of the Disney family.
Ollie: Ugh! This is so unfair! I don’t want to live anymore!
(Ollie lifts her hat to reveal a blinking, Star Wars thermal detonator on top of her head. The screen turns bright white as an explosion is heard. The shot changes to Marty laying outside on a pile of rubble, covered in fake blood. He struggles to lift his head.)
Marty: So much needless death and destruction. Why didn’t Jason Long sell to Disney?
(Marty plays dead as the words “BASED ON A TRUE STORY” appear on the screen. The shot changes to Marty and Ollie, back in normal clothes, drinking pints at the EPCOT United Kingdom pavilion.)
Ollie: Greetings Jason! We were just talking about how handsome and talented you are.
Marty: Yeah and how that accent isn’t weird!
Ollie: Your leadership has made IPW into one of the biggest brands in wrestling. Disney would like to reward your hard work with a chance to get rich.
Marty: Not to mention wipe the blood from your hands!
Ollie: It seems that Star Wars and Marvel are not enough to satisfy our ravenous fanbase. The demands for Disney to purchase IPW grow louder each day.
Marty: Don’t believe us? Just look at this photo from a recent, tragic park protest!
(We see a poorly photoshopped picture. It shows a group of IPW fans in a splash mountain log that is plummeting into the mouth of the Sarlacc Pit. The shot changes back to Marty shaking his head.)
Marty: So many lives could be saved if you’d just let us sell Cross Recoba soap dispensers.
(Olivia nods in agreement and holds up a huge contract.)
Ollie: It’s not too late! We used some Disney magic to whip up a lucrative offer for you.
Marty: It is such a great deal. No need to get your lawyers involved, we already had Belle read through the fine print.
Ollie: We’re not going to fax or email the contract though. That isn’t good enough for a former X*Crown Champion like yourself.
Marty: Correct, we will personally travel to London and deliver this contract to you. That isn’t all though. I, Hardkore World legend Marty Donovan, will then compete in the Royal Crown Rumble free of charge.
Ollie: Wow, a free surprise appearance for the PPV.
Marty: Yes, you just have to cover the costs of my plane tickets, hotel, uber, minibar, and six meals. Oh, also don’t let anybody hit me in the face. I charge one grand per shot to the money maker. I will take free selfies with your nephew or whoever. They just can’t be weird about it.
Ollie: That is amazing news. No one else has ever created such synergy between wrestling and Disney. Lets roll a clip of some of your great in ring action.
( We see footage from a battle royal in some tiny VFW. Marty, who is dressed as Luke Skywalker from A New Hope, cowers in the corner from an approaching luchador. The masked wrestler bends down to grab him, but Marty suddenly spits blue milk in their eyes. The crowd boos. We cut back to Marty and Ollie.)
Marty: I’d like to see Kira Izumi try and do that.
Ollie: Still not sure if you want to sign, Jason? The world class animators here at Disney have created some concept images to show you all the opportunities that await IPW.
( A montage of concept paintings are shown. The first shows a giant mascot version of Spike Kane hugging an old woman. The next shows a little girl enjoying an ice cream bar that looks like Hank Haggard Junior, covered in strawberry “blood”. The next image shows the wilderness of Animal Kingdom. El Rey is wearing a safari outfit as he german suplexes a lion, a tour bus of guests cheer in the background. The final image shows The Jamrockers making an entrance at a large arena show. They are dressed in the Chip ‘n’ Dale: Rescue Rangers costumes. These outfits are so accurate that each wrestler's lower half is nude and blurred out. We cut back to a smiling Marty and Ollie.)
Ollie: Well, I think our work here is done. Jason, we look forward to seeing you in London and welcoming IPW to the Disney family.
Marty: Now I’m off to train for the Royal Crown Rumble. There is only one way to prepare for that kind of chaos, letting loose a python in the line for Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind.
(Marty holds up a cardboard box and walks off confidently. Olivia looks concerned.)
Olivia: You’re just joking. Tell me that box is empty. Babe, this is a terrible idea. Come back!
(The shot fades out as Oliva runs after Marty.)