Post by INFINITE PRO. on Aug 30, 2022 20:07:23 GMT
Thanks For Tunin' In
Three
Two
One
Let's Jam!
Fade in on a jaunty - licence free - tune, playing over a man sat in front of his TV. Surfing through channels with a bored expression.
With sudden agility, he shoots up and looks directly at the camera.
“Oh no! All the media I watch sucks ass! They BETTER CROWN TOUCHDOWN!”
“Oh no! I went nuts and killed several people out of boredom! BETTER CROWN TOUCHDOWN!”
Touchdown looks up at the camera, dramatically tossing the book aside.
“Hi, Alastor Touchdown here! Did you know you have rights?”
“The right to NOT see boring CRAP on the TELLY?!”
“Well, that right is being besmirched in this Infinite Power Tournament. Infringed upon by Irina Sokolov and that dastardly minx Ana Somnia.”
He looks down solemnly. Such a tragedy.
“It didn't have to be like this; but that’s politics baby.”
“Ana Somnia was a respected IPW competitor who had everythin' goin' for her.”
A sudden “DUNNN” sound effect.
“Until she DIDN’T!”
“I’ll spare ya the talk words. The long and short is that Ms. Somnia is enterTAINED but she ain’t imPRESSED! Baby, we are like ships passing in the night! I got the OPPOSITE PROBLEM!”
“I’m damn sure impressed with Ana-Fofana, but boyyyy am I not entertained.”
“We oughta call ya Ana INsomnia. ‘Cause insomnia’s the affliction she cures whenever she’s on screen!”
Yes, yet another starwipe. This time to Touchdown, still in his awful suit, walking down Boogie Street. Shaking the hands of “supporters” who are clearly just Jimi Cooldown in different outfits, edited into the shot.
“Don’t get it twisted now, Ana is not unentertaining due to her robotic mannerisms and monotonous tone of voice. No, she’s boring, because she doesn’t PAY. ATTENTION.”
“If she did? Then she’d know her lil diatribe on Adrenaline was yesterday's jam, ‘cause she was regurgitating the same shit that THESE guys said”
We return to Touchdown, again sat on his poorly maintained desk. Dramatically whipping off his glasses to reveal, somehow, another pair underneath.
“Ohhhh, Jamrockers are showmen, just a coupla funnyboys. Just a coupla jokes!?”
“But, Ana-rama, in latching yourself onto this rhetoric? You’ve made a critical error.
Pushing his glasses up with a smirk, the green screen displays each time the Jamrockers hands have been raised. In and out of IPW.
“If we’re the joke. You’re the punchline.”
“In your world, you’re “Undisputed”, the “Necessary Evil”. Got an impressive win over Karlson and of course, you’ve had success outside of IPW. Trouble is, Ana-banana, so have I. I got nicknames myself and I’ve damn sure got accolades. Unlike yourself, I ain't a slave to ‘em!”
“Case in point, Reckless Hack attacked ya. Gave ya a nasty bump on the noggin’. But, in your self aggrandising speech, ya seem to have left that fact out. That, in your big main event match, ya got PUNKED out and ended up an afterthought. I understand wantin’ to cling to the Touchdown brand for some shine, but I couldn’t help notice how quick the supposed “Devil” was, to let Jackie Boy get off scot free with that one.”
“Was it fear? Not of Jackie, but of potentially comin’ up short? Or, maybe gettin’ too banged up facin’ him that you wouldn’t be at your best against lil ol me?”
“You're buildin' yourself a high tower to look down from. But all that does is make it worse when I shove ya off.”
With one deft movement, Touchdown removes and flicks away his glasses. The green screen behind him turns off.
“For all my Jammin’ an' bangin’, I like a lil originality. So lemme steer you in a direction that hasn’t been said to death by halfwits me an’ my boy have already beat.”
“It ain’t “Joke Vs. Athlete”. S’not “Showman Vs. Technician”. That's ego crap. If we're goin' by what's PROVEN, it’s a guy who’s shown he’s willin’ an' able to go the distance and lay it all on the line no matter the risk. 'Gainst a glorified prizefighter who picks and chooses her battles, skilled and dangerous, but lackin' in lateral thinking. If things get a lil too hot?...”
“With your rep on the line alongside the title? You’ve got it a LOT to lose, Ana. And those’re the times where Alastor Touchdown, earns every showy nickname and catchphrase he’s got.”
“Like this one!”
“YOU’RE NEXT!”
“BETTER CROWN TOUCHDOWN!”
Flyin' High Baby...
Let's Touchdown